Self Forgiveness

Many of the most common sins that we commit are sins against ourselves, as much as they are sins against others.

Sexual sin, drug and alcohol abuse, viewing pornography, and overeating all seem to be directed primarily against ourselves, although they hurt others as well.

We are also all guilty of having sinned against others, by our selfishness, our anger, our greed, our neurotic need for power or attention.

How do we forgive ourselves for falling short, for hurting ourselves or others, for not being quite the person we think we should be?

How do we rid ourselves of the shame we feel for things that we've done and now regret?

We struggle with self-forgiveness because we are not yet fully accepting responsibility for what we've done. We're still making excuses for ourselves.

We need to admit that both the good that we've done and the wrong that we've done are part of our lives. They both show us part of who we are. Just as there is much good in each of us, there is also some bad. This is true of all of us, and we can't do anything about it until we recognize it.

If we had to be perfect to be loveable, this would just be depressing, but we don't. God's perfection means that he loves us regardless. He knows everything that we have ever done, or thought, or felt, and he still loves us completely.

Surrounded by God's love, we need to confess our sins honestly, to ask to be forgiven, to make amends as we can, and to offer penance as an indication of our sincerity.

If you are a Catholic, the priest is there is assist you in this transaction with God. Otherwise, confessing to a mature Christian friend can help you to be serious about your confession and repentance.

Confession and repentance -- taking responsibility for what we've done and determining to avoid repeating the same behavior in the future -- are the means by which we can become free of self-reproach. For if God forgives us, as he does when we confess to him and are truly repentant, then when we start to berate ourselves, we have only to remember that God has forgiven us and it's his opinion that counts.

I am always in need of God's mercy and will be until I die (and then too, especially then).

My past sins can serve as reminders of how much God loves me, of how much he has already forgiven.

My past sins become evidence of God's mercy and forgiveness.

They reassure me of how much he loves me.

Surely, God and I will get through this day. Just look at what we've come through, and he hasn't abandoned me yet.

On the contrary, he has drawn me closer to himself. He loved me when I was completely undeserving, and he continues to love me now when I'm only mostly undeserving. He doesn't love me because of what I do but because of who he is.

It isn't what I think of me that matters. It's what God thinks. And he loves me, regardless of my many failings.

Because God loves me as I really am, I can love myself as I really am.