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"No one cares about me, about my
life. I don't have anyone to do things with, to talk to about the things
that are important to me."
The things that go through our heads when we're feeling
lonely may sound sort of selfish, but we have real needs. Don't we matter?
Loneliness is not selfishness.
We have a real need to be connected to other people. We
have a real need to love and be loved, to value and to be valued. When
there is not enough of that sort of connection in our lives, we feel
lonely.
Loneliness is a sign that our souls are
hungry — hungry for meaningful connections.
Ignoring loneliness, or feeling guilty about it, makes as
much sense as ignoring physical hunger or feeling guilty about it.
It's sometimes reasonable to ignore hunger for a while, if
there's nothing you can do about it at the moment, but there comes a point
when you need to eat.
How do we overcome loneliness? Once it
begins, we tend to withdraw even more, compounding the problem.
We were designed to be focused outside of ourselves, but
sometimes — perhaps because of a move, illness, or change of a job — we
find ourselves focused on ourselves.
We were designed to give and receive love.
We were designed to have an interest and concern for
others. But we can't just force ourselves to change. Other people may tell
us exactly what we need to do, but it isn't that simple.
We don't know how to begin. We don't know how to overcome
the awkwardness of being needy.
We are needy people. We need to be loved, to be known, to
be treasured.
People who know they are loved have no
trouble making friends.
The two great commandments in the Bible are, briefly,
"Love God" and "Love your neighbor". Loving God enables
us to love our neighbor because when we love God we can experience his love
for us in return.
We can live our lives secure in the knowledge that God
loves us, knows us, understands us. This rooted security gives us a basis
for caring about others, for being concerned about their problems and
lives.
As we turn our attention to God, we are brought out of our
self-absorption and begin to have love and life to give to others, love and
life that God gives us.
Loving God enables us to love others more
freely and generously. And a person who genuinely cares about others is
never lonely for long.
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